Wearing the swimsuit backwards and other stuff I managed to do at Gold's this week.

Good morning!

I was in the pool at Gold's last night, sort of pondering the last two weeks.  I've been in the body challenge for four weeks and the first two weeks I managed to lose five pounds.  And then in the last two weeks I gained four of them back.  So I went over my past week, searching for a reason for this unfortunate fluctuation.

This week actually started last week Thursday when my doctor, Dippy Dudley and I believe I will be calling him from now on, informed me that I'm old and my hands are just going to hurt, but here's a prescription for something that hasn't been working, will probably shut down my liver and by the way, I'm probably allergic to...if the heinous rash on my collarbone was any indication.

I didn't work out Thursday.  I did get Skippy signed up for a membership, at his request.  He hasn't actually been there yet, but it's a good start that he asked for it.

I didn't work out Friday because  I had the weekend free and was writing.  Skippy and I shared pizza and a nice family moment while Peaches and Hubby drove across the state to eat vegetarian fare and smelt.  (That's a fish, for those of you who aren't sure.)

Saturday, I went to Gold's, feeling great and fully intending to work out big time.  As if the gods of Gold's had smiled upon me, they were playing "ROBIN HOOD" in Cardio Cinema!  SCORE! 

Unfortunately for ME, some dingbat female decided that she needed to SHARE her iPod selections with the rest of the group.  Sharing is only good if it involves chocolate, toys, and a bottle of wine.  If you really look at things you shouldn't share, I do believe music from your iPod is one of them.  And how deaf is this woman going to be when she hits 25 if she's got it blaring in her ears so loud that I, sitting ten feet in front of her and focused on the movie in front of me, can only HEAR HER MUSIC? 

Now, I'm not a combative person by nature, I spend a lot of time trying to avoid conflict and keep from falling down.  In this case, I thought perhaps the music was coming from overhead.  So I asked the lovely folks at the front desk to maybe check on that, please, when they had a moment.  It never occurred to me that an actual person in Cardio Cinema would 1)  be using an iPod...after all, there's a MOVIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!  and 2)  be using an iPod so loudly that not only could we all hear it, but it was actually LOUDER THAN THE MOVIE. 

When I realized it was actually the woman on the elliptical behind me, I knew I wasn't going to say anything to her.  I tried to give her my very best death stare, and then I left.  I left and I went home and I watched Robin Hood on my own TV with a bowl of popcorn and a Vernor's.

Sunday afternoon I was going to go to Gold's, and then I didn't.

Which brings us to Monday.  Monday I actually gathered up enough self esteem to go back to water aerobics class.  By this point I'd been off the Aleve for five days.  My rash was definitely better, so I felt confident that I wasn't going to infect anyone in class with it.  (I still have claw marks on my arms from scratching, but everything else has healed.) 

I don't know who the instructor was.  I don't wear my glasses in the pool, so I can't really see faces.  (I can't hear well, either, but we've covered that.)  Anyway, this was a lady who I hadn't had for class before.  She seemed really nice, but really, really, REALLY focused on a couple of moves that she had us do over and over and over and over and over....

Yes, the suspended jumping jacks.  My nemesis.

To her credit, the instructor did look concerned  (I think so, again, I couldn't actually see her face or hear what she was saying.)  when she realized I wasn't gripping the wall with my hands when we were supposed to kick in the water  (ala every swim lesson you ever took as a little kid.)  and she was relieved when I told her it wasn't her fault.  So I was able to make her feel good, which was nice. 

I will say this:  It was a good work out.  I felt like I'd done something positive, plus, I finally figured out how to do that rocking horse move.  Now if only I could coordinate the suspended ski thing she wanted us to do.  Really I just sort of flail around on that one.

Tuesday I was going to go, but then we started the big giant blizzard which carried over into Wednesday.  Now Wednesday I did spend a couple hours shoveling snow. For those of you who have never shoveled a pile of snow, this is a serious workout.  Especially in our case, since there was so much, we really had few choices of where to put the snow we were moving.  In shoveling out the driveway, we carried the snow across the street to the lane divider in the middle of our boulevard.  So it was scoop, walk, fling, walk, scoop for about 90 minutes.  Solid work out.  Of course, by this point I'd been off the aleve almost a week.  My hands swelled and the pain was so intense by the time I stopped I actually toyed with the idea of drinking my coffee through a straw.  The good news is that since I can't grip much of anything, I can only eat what I can pick up with my fingers.  Very small pieces of food only...

Which brings me to yesterday.  Yesterday Peaches and I went to Gold's.  I was going to get on the bike, but the movie in Cardio Cinema was "Step up 3" and since I hadn't seen 1 or 2, I figured I would be lost in the plot.  So I hit the pool.

Ah, something you should know, if you haven't figured it out, I hate shopping for swim suits.  HATE it.  Almost as bad as shopping for jeans used to be.  The difference is that now I know what jeans fit and I can just go and get them.  Buying a new swimsuit involves hours of humiliation.  So, instead of subjecting myself  to the bad lighting of a fitting room, I get my suits online.  And, since I'm CHEAP  I get them used...on eBay.  (Oh don't get all "EEEEWWWWWW"  The suits are clean.)  I found two really great ones this year.  One's sort of a one piece top and shorts with a tummy control panel.  Nice for water aerobics, but not great for the hot tub because the shorts fills up with air or water and then I just look like I have really unfortunate fat pockets...which would be okay if the air didn't the release...then it just looks like I have horrifying gas.

The second suit, my "ladylike" swim suit, is a two piece tankini deal with a dainty skirt.  Okay, dainty might not be the word for something involving as much material as that suit does, but I feel somewhat dainty in it.  There are no tags in it, since it was second hand, but it's very comfy and I like it.

Since Peaches was with me, I changed from my warm clothes to the suit in a stall.  No need for her to see what time and love of Cheetos has done to me just yet.  Wait til she's my primary caregiver.

Do you know...bathroom stalls really don't have a lot of space for changing clothes. No, I don't use the handicapped stall because that's just rude...unless I really have to and there's no other stall open, of course.  But regular stalls are really sort of tiny.  Hey, I change clothes whilst sitting on the toilet all the time...which you probably didn't know, but whatever.  But changing in a public place where the stalls are little, that's a challenge.  I'm saying this because I'm trying to explain why, when I emerged from the stall, it was abundantly clear to me that I was wear the bottom of my swimsuit backwards. 

In my defense...oh whatever.  The bottoms were on backwards.  In walking back to my locker, I gave myself a delightful spandex wedgie.  I fixed it and went for a swim.

Dee was working last night so it was nice to chat with her for a couple minutes after my swim.  And by chat I mean she gave me a pile of grief for not working out more.  I do love that woman! 

Anyway, in chatting with Dee, (I have a rule about getting naked in front of someone when I'm discussing our kids and their teachers.  I try to avoid it.)  I delayed changing back into my street clothes a few minutes.  Peaches wasn't in the locker room, I figured I had time to get dressed without fighting my way around the stall.

I thought wrong.

Poor Peaches.  She'd rather die than say a word to hurt my feelings or admit she was embarrassed.  But I don't have to think to hard to recall the time I saw my mother's bare fanny....I was seven.  I walked in on her in the bathroom.  The image is burned in my brain.

So...

So in the car on the way home I took the bull by the horns.  "I'm sorry you say my bare fanny."

"It's okay."

"I didn't realize you were coming in so soon."

"It's okay."

Then we went home, made grilled cheese sandwiches, and watched episodes of "Quantum Leap" on Netflix.

So in review of my week at Gold's.  I managed to get Skippy a membership.  I shot a death stare at a rude iPod user.  I lived through a really hard water aerobics class.  I put on my swimsuit on backwards.  I let my daughter see my regal rump.

The only thing I didn't manage was to lose five pounds.

Will I be there tonight?  Well no, and here's why:

After a really good swim last night, hubby asked if I would join him in a futile search for a roof rake.  (Again, for those of you who don't get snow, this is a tool you use to get heavy snow off your roof before it crushes you in your sleep.)  I say futile, because if Vicki  (her real name) at the Home Depot is to be believed, there were no roof rakes available all day and shame on us for being too stupid to buy a roof rake BEFORE we needed one.  "I tell you people to come in before the storm or during the storm because we aren't going to have these after the storm.  Why would you wait until after the storm to buy this?"

Well, after that stellar customer service, we walked back to the car and, in getting into the car, I managed to twist my good knee.  Today, I cannot bend it at all.  I think that having two hands I can't bend and a knee I can't bend is God's way of telling me to stay home and watch a movie tonight.  (and we bought a roof rake at Menard's across the street.  sure it was the last one, but a very nice lady whose name I did not catch helped us find it.)

So KRAM, if you're reading this, I want you to know...I gave it my very best this week, I really did.

Oh, and I'm going to need to change my appointment next week to a later time.

(Maybe an extra hour or two will give me enough time to hit that weight loss goal!)