This girl is funny...not skinny.

This girl is funny...not skinny.

Monday, February 28, 2011

You see, Mr. Scott? In the water I'm a very skinny lady. (except in the hot tub)

Good afternoon!

I love water.   I love being in the water.  For as much as I grouse about swim suits, I love, love, LOVE being in the water.

It's worth it because my hair looks AWESOME!
So it's no surprise that I love the pools at Gold's Gym.  I reward myself each week with one day of "water work out" that doesn't count any water aerobics class I might get into.  Nope, my water work out day, generally Thursday, is my favorite day because I get to swim and float and jog in the water on my own.  Generally I'm alone, so it's peaceful, and it's the one place I feel thin.  Sort of like Shelley Winters in The Poseidon Adventure.  (The good one starring Gene Hackman and Shelley Winters, not any of the terrible remakes.)

If you recall, Shelley Winters plays Mrs. Rosen, a heft lady who saves the day with an heroic swim at a key point in the movie.  When she suggests that she do the swim and not any of the fitter folks in the group, she's met with ridicule.  But she's able to convince them all, and she saves them all.  (okay, I hope I didn't spoil it for you....but come on.  That movie is almost 40 years old.  If you haven't seen it, that's not my problem.  Go rent it right now.  You'll love it.)

Well, that's how I feel in the pool at Gold's.  My knees don't hurt, my hands hurt less, I'm graceful, even my hair is flowing and beautiful which is a real trick considering how short it is.

And then, after a good 30-45 minutes of solid work and self esteem building in the pool...I crush everything with a five minute dip in the hot tub.

I can see you're skeptical about this.  How can such a water lover feel fat in the hot tub?

Let's review the make up of  my swim attire, shall we?

I wear one of two swim suits.  A lady like top and skirt ensemble that flows like graceful magic in the water of the pool....and floats like dead fish on the surface of the hot tub water.

I also wear a one piece thing with a very sturdy top and a soft, thinner material on the bottom.  Oh, and it has pockets.  Now, in the pool this suit behaves pretty well.  The pockets tend to invert giving me a very weird looking bump on my hips, but everything stays pretty much in place.  Until I hit the hot tub where the legs of the suit and the pockets all fill up with air and actually make it hard for me to sit down.  If I try to force the air of my shorts....well, what do YOU think that looks like?

Yep, I've cleared the hot tub at Gold's more than once because those in there with me think I'm suffering from a hellacious case of gas.  No one wants to be around that, so, in an effort not to offend, I simply force myself down on the bench and allow myself to look....huge.  Really, really, REALLY huge.

I try not to let it get to me of course.  I've made jokes about my swim suits over the years.  Someday, I'd like to think I'll be thin enough that I can wear something that doesn't involve a skirt or shorts, but I know that fat is not the only reason I where suits like that, so it's very likely I'll always be the fat, gassy woman in the hot tub.

I can live with that...because I know the next time I get in the pool, I'll be thin and graceful again, and that IS a feeling I cherish, even if only for a few minutes a week.

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