In the interest of "Sleeping in" a bit, I'm blogging earlier this am. Maybe if i sleep past 2 PM I won't feel like the walking dead at 2 AM. It's an attempt anyway!
WARNING: Today's topic is VERY female...male readers might just get grossed out. You've BEEN WARNED!
Today I was driving to Gold's, listening to Bob and Brian read their "Gym class horror stories" (Seriously, if you haven't listened to these guys read their listeners' horror stories, you are missing out!) and I was reminded of a few general horrors I lived through, simply because my mother passed on "Wisdom" to me...wisdom that held, in the final analysis, little truth. I could do a serious Laundry List Friday on things my mother passed on as truth that turned out to be old wives' tales, but not today. Today I want to talk about the one big myth that came to mind: Cold water stops the flow.
Those of you who have been a young teen girl, or those of you who are parenting young teen girls have undoubtedly either heard this line, or said it yourself. I won't embarrass Peaches, who reads this blog from time to time, and use direct conversations we've had. Instead, I'll focus on the conversations my mother (who never reads this blog) and I have had.
For the young teen girl, using a tampon can be daunting and a little scary. Certainly ridiculously embarrassing. I recall my own attempts, at the age of 15, when I desperately wanted to go swimming one summer day, and my monthly punctuation showed up. Mom was outside the door coaching me (and this was in the early 80's....long before tampons came in slim teen sizes. No, the only tampons in the house were the SUPER JUMBO sizes that typically are capable of holding up the Hoover Dam if need be. Seriously, stick a couple of those puppies in the levy system down in New Orleans and we will NEVER have to fear another hurricane. Those in the Mississippi flood plain are wasting their time with sand bags. SUPER tampons are just as good as about a dozen sand bags.)
Wait, where was I? Oh, yeah, right.
So Mom was on one side of the bathroom door...I was on the other, fumbling around like a blind woman trying to field strip a rifle for the first time. After several sweaty, uncomfortable moments, I opened the door and announced that I'd accomplished it...I had the tampon placed in the proper place. (Probably lost my virginity to it, too.)
Well, my mother, bless her, checked. I know....I KNOW! And no, I didn't have it in right. That's when she uttered these words:
Don't worry. Go ahead and swim. The cold water stops the flow.
I was stunned. Really? That's all I needed? Cold water? BRING IT ON! I spent the whole summer in the city pool, blissfully believing my mother's wisdom.
Over the years, I've come to realize that maybe this was true for my mother...though how she'd know it I didn't know since I can count on one hand the number of times my mother has been in a swim suit...but it CERTAINLY wasn't true for me.
Without being gross....too late, I know...let me just say if I held to this delightful old wives' tale, that shark from JAWS could follow me for miles.
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| We're going to need a bigger boat. The sharks are NOT going to miss this trail! |
I'm not sure who came up with the idea, certainly NOT someone who's had a period...and certainly NOT someone who designs tampons. Maybe deep sea fishermen...hoping that swimming women would attract trophy fish.
A rumor like this started by men for the advantage of men that also happens to make women look a little silly. Yep...that sounds about right!
I don't even know how to process this one.
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