I feel the need

I feel the need

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Sooooo pretty!

Good morning!

Actually, for me it's late at night...late late at night. I'm home from work and just caught a look of myself in the mirror...and a blog post is born!

My quest for black pants is over and I feel good in the pants I have.  Now, the I wear shoes are black, industrial, non slip shoes that have absolultely no feminine qualities at all.  The uniform shirt, I thought, was nice, a nice cut.  However, since I'm heavy, the shirt sort of makes me look pregnant.  And I could get over how I looked in all that, were it not for a couple of small things.

Aprons:  I like the apron, it sort of covers up my fake pregnancy in the shirt.  but, when the apron is the most flattering piece of the uniform, we know we have a problem.

Gloves:  Because I handle food quite a bit, I'm required to wear gloves.  Not a real problem because I I'm comfortable with gloves, but as we move along, you'll see that wearing gloves, while something alone is not a big deal, but the overall effect is only enhanced by the gloves.

Hairnet:  Oh yes....a hairnet.  A hairnet, while necessary in the kitchen, is NOT necessary in the rest of the store.  So I can spend the nice ripping the thing off and putting it on everytime I step into the ktichen.  Or I could just leave it on, and make my life simple. 

There are few people who look good in hairnets.  Okay, there are almost no people who look good in hair nets.  Maybe the odd flamenco dancer.  Maybe a Civil War reenactor.  Women with longer hair can wear a hair net without looking completely dehumanized.

For women with short hair, especially heavy women,  wearing a hairnet is just one more big step to looking mannish.  Frankly, with a hair net on, if I left off the eyeliner, I'd look like a much shorter, rounder version of my dad.

HOWEVER this past evening I discovered one more uniform addition that now completes the ensemble.  LAdies and gentlemen I give you....

The oversized reflective vest!

Yes, this is the thing that completes the look for all 3rd shift employees.  Top off the black apron, the mock maternity top, and the hairnet with this shape eliminating neon yellow frockette trimmed in reflective tape.  To quote my favorite commercial spokesperson, "Peggy"....."soooooooo pretty!"

Face it, I'm a beard away from being Peggy.

Ah yes, I'm a dainty, delicate flower of femininity at work.   Add to that my graceful hobble toward the end of each shift as my feet like to remind me that I'm 1)  chunky and 2)  old....and I cut a very delightful, fashionable picture!  Stop on by...see the beauty for yourself!

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