(In order to fully understand today's blog, you must know one thing: Subaru spends a very large part of their advertising budget on outlets that cater to the gay and lesbian markets. It has been my husband's experience over almost 20 years in the car service business that the majority of Subaru customers who come in for service are from the the gay and lesbian community. Also, please remember, my aim to to make you laugh at my everyday life, not to offend. )
My poor husband.
He tries so very, very hard NOT to be mentioned in this blog. He really does. But every once in a while, he says something, or, in this case nearly says something, that gets him into the blog and he knows it before the words ever completely come out of his mouth.
Today hubby Peaches and I were going do a tour of second hand stores. half Price books, Goodwill, and Salvation Army, all of which were having a Labor Day sale. This was NOT a dressing up trip. Repeat, this was NOT a dressing up trip.
I donned the following: Baggy cargo pants, a white t shirt, pink clogs and a chunky purple man's watch. Since it was chilly, I also tossed on a baggy denim shirt. Not fashion forward, but I was going to do a tour of second hand stores. I was clean, and I had eyeliner on. My hair, since it's so freakin' short, is really easy to keep. Sort of wash and wear on most days.
So, got the mental picture?
We're driving along chatting about this an that when I realize that we are behind a dark green Subaru Forester. I love that car. It's sort of my dream car. I love the color, I love the fact that it's a wagon, but not a wagon because it's cool, and I love...again, I love the color. I've wanted one for many years. So I make comment:
"Hey, look, we're driving behind my dream car. "
Hubby says, "yes, yes we are. And you're looking pretty su...oh crud."
I look at him and say, "I'm looking what...like a Subarau customer? Go ahead...say it! Say it! I look like a lesbian today."
"This is going in your blog, isn't it?"
"Oh this is SOOOOOOOOO going in my blog!"
"What did you just call Mom?"
We both turn...we'd forgotten Peaches was in the back seat. "Your father just called me a lesbian."
"I did not! I was saying you looked like a subaru customer because you looked so...outdoorsy. You got the cargo pants on...the dednim shirt, like you're going to go for a hike...outdoorsy."
"You called mom a lesbian? dad!" Peaches is not horrified so much as she laughing herself silly in thge back seat. "Does that make you a beard?"
"A what?" hubby has no idea what this term means.
"A beard. Like a woman who dates a gay guy."
"Where did you learn that word?"
It's now my time to laugh myself stupid. "Hubby, i've known that words for years."
"Yeah dad, everyone knows that word."
"Well, I don't know it. Did you get that from a TV show?"
"well, I got it from Glee, dad."
Hubby makes a face.
"I got it from a book." I say. "How did you not know that term?"
"Well, I don't read those kinds of books."
"I think I got it from....who was the guy that wrote 'Sons and Lovers?'"
"Yeah. I think I got it from DH Lawrence."
"You did not get the term BEARD from DH Lawrence!"
"Maybe, maybe not...but we are getting off topic. You said I looked like a lesbian!"
"I did not. I was going to say you looked like a Subaru driver. Which is what you want to be because your favorite car is that Subaru Forester!"
I set my gaze out the front of the car. "Just keep digging."
Which he did. For the rest of the day, I kid you not, the man was super affectionate. It was like we were in college again. He was all hugging at Goodwill, was very supportive of all my movie choices at half Price Books and didn't say one word negatively about the clothes I was trying on a Kohl's. (Oh come on...I looked in a mirror...)
Unfortunately for Hubby, he's also given himself another one of those dreaded questions. You know the ones..."Does this make me look fat/old/slutty? Well, I now get to add "LESBIAN?" to that list!
So it turned out to be a win for me!
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