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Thursday, November 24, 2011

It's a heartwarming Thanksgiving Day Elsie story!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

For those of you outside the US, today is the day when Americans give thanks for their blessings by gathering with relatives they rarely see and have little in common with; eat food they really don't care for, but it's tradition; and watch American football until their eyes bleed.  Then we wrap it up with a trek in the middle of the night to wrestle old ladies to the ground so we can get the best deal on an Adam Sandler DVD at Best Buy.

I love this holiday!

I wasn't going to blog this month because I've been deep in writing "Stupid," BUT yesterday Elsie gave me no choice.  I have to tell you what happened.

She arrived promptly at 11:07, and spent the next twenty minutes making herself a lunch, using the bathroom  (probably for a personal phone call) and then whining to NBM about how "no one is going to be home tonight.  Do I really have to stay until 8?"

Let me just clear something up:  Americans were in one of three places last night:  The grocery store, on the road traveling to some one's house, or at home cooking.  With at least 100 million people guaranteed to be in their homes, I have to think that "SOMEONE" would be able to talk to Elsie.

I didn't hear NBM's side of the conversation, but it was clear she was not going to have to stay for her entire shift.  This graveled me a tiny bit since I was sort of hoping to get off early as well, but since I work until 5, I didn't even think to ask.

For the next two hours, she made a handful of calls, hummed a lot, and wandered about the office collecting paper goods and hiding them in her office.  She did spend half an hour vacuuming her office.  That was fun to listen to, especially when she came out and started vacuuming the showroom.  (Didn't need it.  Since we moved her into a private office, there's no food on the floor in the showroom.)

She then dragged her vacuum, to my desk and said, "Do you want me to clean around your desk?"

I looked at the floor, where there is NOTHING because...you see....I don't eat at my desk.  I said, "No, don't need it."

That didn't stop her though.  While I was on the phone  (You know...doing my job.)  she ran that machine around my desk, banging into my chair.

As she walked away she said, "You were right.  You didn't need it."

But that's not why I'm blogging.

No, I'm blogging, because when I returned from my lunch at 2:30, she walked out of her office and said in a very loud voice, "Obviously I'm not taking a lunch break today.  But would it be okay if I ran out to my car to get something?"

NBM said, "Sure, go get what you need."

Elsie said, (and I'm quoting here) "Good.  I just need a little something to nibble on between calls."

I had to hang up the phone and stuff a plumbing permit into my mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  This woman has, in her office at this moment, a family sized bag of chips and a two liter bottle of soda.  I couldn't wait to see what she planned on nibbling on between calls.

She didn't disappoint.

You know that Tupperware that people bring two dozen cupcakes in, the round one?  Yeah, she brought that in, filled to the brim with meatloaf, potatoes, and corn. 

Most people would call that a lunch.  I'm a big person...I would have called that dinner for four.

She proceeded to prepare her "snack" which took about fifteen minutes because everything had to be microwaved separately.  She then poured milk all over the kitchen counter...and didn't wipe it up.  And then, she repaired to her office where she made one call.  And then ate her massive DINNER for half an hour.  And then made another call.

Sadly, two phone calls in forty five minutes is actually a pretty good speed for her.

She did get a bit steamed at NBM and me later in the day when 1)  NBM said she had to stay until 6, she could not leave at 5 like she wanted and 2)  I pointed out after listening to about three of her calls, the hey, people were not only home, they were answering their phones.

So there you go my friends. Something to chuckle about when your choking down turkey that's dry and stuffing that's got something weird in it.

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