This girl is funny...not skinny.

This girl is funny...not skinny.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Laundry List Friday: Top five things that have amused and horrified me this week.

Good afternoon!

It's one of those Fridays a writer dreams about:  It's damp, rainy, dreary, and everyone seems to have lost my office number so it's very quiet here.  Who knows?  I may actually get some writing done today!

This has been a very strange week.  I've seen some things that are that rare combination of humorous and horrifying, and that's the list I'm going to share with you today.  Aren't you the lucky ones?

5)  My tax returns.

Ah yes...2010 was an exciting mix of unemployment, aging children, and a new job that didn't take out enough federal taxes from each check.  The end result?  Well, we're getting a decent refund from the State of Wisconsin.  Which should just about cover what we owe the US government.  Yay me!  Meanwhile, we lost $1000 in deductions because Skippy turned 17 last year.  Who ever heard of THAT?  Anyway, in a twist of irony that's NOT lost on me...Skippy is a getting a $3 REFUND from the feds. 

4)  Peaches practicing for cheer tryouts.

Just when I thought we were safe from cheer leading for a while...high school tryouts happened!  For the last three days Peaches and various combinations of her friends, have been practicing a dance and a cheer for the BIG NIGHT tonight.  What amuses me is how very earnest they all are, working on the dance.  It's that sort of single minded focus we need to have running the country.  So maybe instead of career politicians who are only interested in getting reelected running the show, we should instead put 14 year old girls who want to be high school cheerleaders.  I bet they have all our problems solved by the end of first period.

On a side note...as a mom...I was horrified to watch Peaches do the dance routine.  Not because she's bad at it, no, quite the opposite.  After 9 years in parochial school, I had NO IDEA her hips could move quite that...smoothly.  Hubby best start thinking about buying that gun he's always talked about.  I have a feeling high school boys will not have quite the fear of me the grade school boys do.

3)  Our grocery bill for March.

Seriously, we are a family of four and two of us do not eat meat.  Also, there is NEVER ANY FOOD in our house...so my family tells me at 10 PM when we are all sort of trolling around looking for that magic snack that will end our day on a most perfect note.  I look at the checkbook.  I spend the GNP of some small countries every month for food...and our various food storage units are always full.  So full, in fact, that we had to buy a small fridge just for flavored waters and that got so full we now keep our flavored waters in the garage...right next to the garbage cans.  Yeah, that's healthy! 

So how can there never be ANY FOOD? 

A better question is...who does all the shopping so that the only thing we do have is spring roll wrappers, cherry pie filling and a can of potatoes?  (Yes, a can.)  Who are these people doing the shopping?  Did a blind monkey suddenly get a hold of my cart and my check book and now we are left to eat what said monkey flung?

2)  The mother and child outside the post office this morning.

I've had small children and I've done extensive babysitting.  I've had to take children to public places while running errands.  So I know how stressful it is to take a kid who does not want to go with you.  I understand that. 

But the scene in front of the post office this morning first horrified me, then made me want to laugh.

Mom and young son, maybe he was 3, were walking out of the post office.  I was approaching the doors.  We were the only people in front of the post office.  Young son took off out the door at a run, a run which, if left unchecked, would have put him directly into the path of the oncoming city BUS.  (A vehicle that, of course, was empty as most city buses in Waukesha are.)  Mother followed young son out and, unable or unwilling to run after him, she shouted in a voice that would have frozen a longshoreman in his tracks.  I haven't heard that tone of voice emitting from a woman....since I babysat. 

Young son stopped running.  I stopped walking.  Hey, when someone yells STOP that way, you just do it. Mother grabbed Young Son by the arm and started shouting at him.  That sort of horrified me, because, well, he's just a little kid.  BUT, it didn't take much for me to remember the days when Skippy and Peaches would roam away and I would see imminent danger and shout at them for a bit.  If you have raised children and you've never had that "losing it" moment where you just have to yell at them, then obviously your child is a saint and you need to stop reading this blog immediately and go get in contact with the people who pronounce sainthood on people.  My kids...nope, they made me yell.  A lot.

Mother kept her grip on Young Son's arm and we began walking toward each other.  I kept my eyes averted because, well, she was still yelling at the kid and who wants to be caught staring at that?  I looked up just at the moment when we were about to pass each other and she looked at me.  Her expression flipped like a switch to a HUGE SUNNY SMILE and she said, "Good morning!" in a tone of voice that made me think a completely different person was speaking. 

Moms have all had this experience.  You know a stranger is seeing you at a tough moment in parenting.  Do you ignore the stranger and just keep scolding the child?  Do you stop the scolding and give the stranger that, "We've all been HERE" looks?  (This is what I generally do.) 

Or do you, as this mother did, act as if the whole scene had never happened?

But that's not what amused me.  Nope, not even that.  What amused was, once we'd passed by each other, she dropped the facade and CONTINUED YELLING AT THE KID. 

If you can picture it...it was

Panic-yell-yell-smile and act like you've never had a cross moment in your life-pass the stranger-yell.

1)  Finally...MY BEFORE AND AFTER PICTURE FROM GOLD'S, and the fact that I have to hate Dee for a moment now.

Oh I knew this moment was coming.  I expected it.  But after all the flattery at my Party lite party last night (People greeted me as "Skinny" and exclaimed at how thin I looked.)  I thought I was ready for it.

I wouldn't have known the pictures were in, had Dee not texted me SUPER EARLY and asked me to look at hers.  Hers looks amazing, fantastic.  She did the work, and it paid off.  I'm not sure why she asked me to judge whether or not her after picture was good enough to share with her trainer...of course it is!  But hey, thanks for reminding me that I FAIL at weight loss.  :)

Meanwhile I looked at mine...how is it possible my "After picture" looks WORSE than my before picture?  First of all, my hair is bad.  Second, I'm in my stocking feet, and wearing socks always makes my legs look stumpy.  Third, I'm smiling in a weird way.

And then I realized something...I look worse in the picture because I'm looking at something other than my fat!  This is a new experience for me. 

Then I looked at the fat.  Yep, still there.  BUT, maybe a tiny, tiny, TINY bit less of it is visible. 

After that, I was able to once again focus on the funny.  I stopped hating Dee, too.  And all was well with the world.

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