I feel the need

I feel the need

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Weigh it faster, tiny dancer...the big girl needs to go entertain the sweaty.

Good morning!

Once again, I have a humorous moment from Gold's Gym last night that will again beg the question:  Why on EARTH does Gold's allow me through the doors?

But first:


Seriously...I was in the locker room yesterday, waiting to weigh myself.  I had to wait because there was this woman who was probably all of 96 pounds, standing on the scale, doing that little dance we all do when we weigh ourselves.  You know that dance.  Get on.  Loathe the number.  Get off.  Take off your shoes.  Get on again.  Do some subtraction for the clothes you're wearing, including the lead bricks you're obviously holding your pockets.  Get off again.  Get on one last time to be double sure.

And then this woman, this tiny, tiny, TINY woman, gets off the scale for the third time and LEAVES it on the number of her weight.  (And it was under 100.)

Now, I wasn't being subtle.  I was standing just to the side of her, WAITING for the scale.  So she does the dance, then gets off and lets me, gigantor, see just how much less she weighs than I do.  Seriously... BAD FORM TINY WOMAN!

So, because I was waiting to weigh in, that made me late, in my head, for the start of my workout.  I hate not starting right when I want to. 

Since Cardio Cinema was again playing a movie that pretty much stunk, I opted to hop on a treadmill out in the BIG ROOM.  Only this time I brought along my iPod. 

I love my iPod.  First of all, I didn't pay a dime for it.  Hubby found it in the back of a rental car that came into his shop for repair.  He tried to find the owner, but to no avail, and therefore I got an iPod.  It's not fancy, but it is pink, and it holds 869 of my favorite songs, a list complied by me, for me.  There are radio stations that don't have the kind of variety I have on my iPod.  869 songs that range from the goofy  (Sir Mixalot's Baby Got Back)

 to the sublime  (Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman's "Time to Say Goodbye")
And of course, there's plenty of Rick tunes in there! 
So I get out to the BIG ROOM, and since I was delayed by the tiny dancer in the locker room, the place is BUSY.  I found a treadmill, turn on the iPod and start walking. 
Can I just say this:  BEST TREADMILL WORKOUT EVER!  I walked faster, I ran more, all because I was PUMPED by the music I'd chosen for myself.  I was a treadmill MACHINE.

After about half an hour I looked around and noticed that, while the place was still pretty packed, but the treadmills on either side of me, which had been occupied, were now empty.  The woman who had been on my right was on the pedal machine farther down the line.  Have you seen these machines?  You stand there and just pedal with your hands.  Well, I thought it strange that 1)  She was standing there, lazily moving the pedals with one hand and 2)  She was talking to her friend at on the other pedal machine, and they were staring at me and laughing.

Then I looked to my left, where an older lady had been.  She'd moved down two machines and also, was staring at me.

That's when I remembered why I haven't brought my iPod to Gold's before:

Deep in the darkest parts of my heart, I'm a secret rock star.  Catch me at a stoplight when I'm driving and a good song comes on the radio...I'll be putting on a concert.  I'm incapable of NOT SINGING or PERFORMING when I'm listening to my favorite songs AND when hooked in to my iPod I often forget that those around me cannot hear what I'm hearing and therefore the drumming motions I'm doing and the humming and...horrors, the ROCK AND ROLL FACE I'm wearing all seem...quite entertaining, and possibly scary, to those around me.  (Because, as you've most likely guessed, while in my heart I'm a rock star, in real life I'm a bit less...talented.)

I'd like to say I was ashamed enough to slink away from the bright lights of the BIG ROOM and go hide in Cardio Cinema.  (Oh yeah, and I understand now why people with iPods go in there.  They couldn't handle the people staring and laughing.)  But, as you know, I was born to make people laugh out loud.  So, instead of shutting down the Rock Show Starring Sarah, I cranked the treadmill up for more time and continued the musical mime to the amusement of sweaty folk around me.

That's just how I roll!

Hey, you know what doesn't embarrass you while you're getting your Rock and Roll fix?  A copy of my Rock and Roll Romantic comedy, Dream in Color!  Available in paperback and digital!


  1. lmao. cringing. and... lmao again.

  2. Yup, I do have to agree with Kelly.

    Too funny! Although too funny is just simply not possible... so Hilarious and I love that your name is Sarah...


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