OH NO! Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you CAN get injured sitting in a chair.

Good afternoon!

Well, as I count down the final two days of my status as day time employee...next week I start a 3rd shift job that promises new challenges, new experiences, and an unlimited access to donuts, I realize that I've been hobbling around with a very, very sore left butt cheek.

What is this bike thinking?  "DEATH TO THE WOMAN!  WE WILL KILL HER FROM THE BOTTOM UP!"

More precisely, a muscle within the cheek is very sore.  I noticed it first a week ago when I got off the recumbent elliptical  (My favorite method of torture...I mean exercise...) at Gold's.  Admittedly, I expected some soreness, since I haven't been all that good at getting to Gold's in the last month.  (It's May, I'm a mom...give me a break...I'd come to the gym, but I'm too busy filling out forms, paying for year end field trips, buying gifts for teachers, and ordering cakes for various graduation/confirmation/yay it's finally over gatherings.)  I got off the bike and instantly knew I'd pulled or strained something.  I wasn't too concerned.  I actually thought I was just sore because the seats on those bikes are not exactly cushy.  (Hey, Gold's...that's sort of a hint...how about some seat cushions for those bikes?) 

But it's been a week now, and that fanny cheek muscle is still very, very sore.  I don't like sitting down.  When I'm home, I lie down a lot.  Now, while you might think there's really no difference between what I'm doing now and what I generally do when I'm home...it IS different.  Most of the time, I lie down a lot, but I get up and sit up to do things like eating...folding laundry...talk to my mother on the phone.

I haven't done any of those things in a week because of this stupid sore muscle.  It hurts to sit, it hurts to stand for too long.  (This, by the way, is going to be somewhat lousy next week when I start my job where I'm expected to stand for an entire shift.)

Now I'm especially insulted because it's my BUTT that hurts.  Come on.  What is the most padded part of my body?  (Okay, my chin and my gut, but what's a really close second?)  MY BUTT?  How on earth can I possibly injure it by just sitting on it? 

This is going to look very, very bad for me when certain fellow members of my church read this.  See, the Church basketball season just ended.  For those of you who aren't 1)  into basketball and 2) not Lutheran, let me explain:  Church ball is a friendly league of teams made of members of churches who play other member teams from other churches.  There are age categories for the teams and all is a grand, fun time full of fellowship and joy.

I can't believe I got that out with a straight face.

Church ball, as I understand it, is a league made up of church member teams which are built to seek out and destroy competing church ball teams.  The games are long, and bloody.  At the end is a trophy and months and months and MONTHS of triumphant bragging rights.  

I can't count the number of members I've seen in church lately...especially the teens. who have been on crutches or sporting some sort of medical appliance.  Since I typically wear my thumb braces to church, it's nice to see others sporting injuries far more...exciting...than mine.  I will, without fail, ask the afflicted person about their injury and when they say, "Church ball,"  I mock them with my favorite come back, "No one's ever gotten hurt sitting down and watching TV."

BUT MY FRIENDS...that is EXACTLY how I got hurt!  I was sitting in Cardio Cinema, pedalling the bike a week ago, watching...I forget what, but if I had to bet on it, I think the movie was "I am Legend" because that seems to be a favorite with the person who picks out the movies for Gold's.  (Seriously...could we break up the "I am Legend" marathons with something less fatalistic...like maybe something from the John Hughes collection?)

So I have to hide this injury.  I have to walk like nothing hurts, seek out the softest seat on which to sit, and try not to grimace when I do sit down.  Because heaven help me if someone from Church Ball finds out about this!

I know my secret is safe with you!